International 7140 Magnum Tractor

August 9, 2022

Dad's International 7140 Magnum Tractor  

Over Labor Day weekend Bill Terry came out to do some field work for Derrick.  He used Dad's tractor.  On Sunday afternoon he told me he loved driving G-pa's tractor but had a breakdown later in the day.  Derrick came over Sunday, June 5, with Layne and told me that the hydraulics broke again on the tractor.  He did not want to buy it because he could not afford to pay the $32,000 for the tractor and put $20,000 in it to fix it.  I told him that nobody is saying he needs to buy it right now just because Dad is gone.  The trust has not changed.  Also I understand that a broken tractor is not with what Dad paid for it either.  As he kept talking saying he did not want it and would keep driving it will he blew the "engine or ass end out of it" I told him that was not fair to G-ma and he could park the tractor if he does not want it that is ok, it is his decision and choice to make either way.  He got so mad saying I was f-ing him by him not have use of that second tractor and he stormed out of my house.  What the heck just happened here?  I'm very confused.  The next weekend he parked in right in front of my house fence at the sidewalk where I usually park my car.  He sent Layne over 2 different evenings to tell me that he was not going to buy the tractor and was dealing on a new tractor and the next night for Layne to tell me they definitely do not want G-pa's tractor because his dad made a deal on a new one from Lang Diesel with a contract to do county road maintenance.  Again I said that is their choice to make and it sounded like a good deal. 

On June 13 I ended up in the ER with blood pressure of 232/121.  I also saw Amanda on the 14th to follow up.  She decided I should see my cardiologist in Wichita and they set up an appointment for me on June 21.  On Sunday the 19th Derrick came to my house again and told me that that tractor (which he parked here) is in the way in front of my house and he wanted it moved.  I explained that I was leaving in the morning for Wichita for doctor appointments and, by the way, I've never driven it so he could move it if he wanted.  I got home the following Sunday, June 26, and the tractor had not moved.  

Allen came home on July 1 and moved the tractor to the creek bottom in the trees.  We had discussions with Mom about how to find out what our options were for the tractor.  Over the month of July Mom & I talked about what to do with it.  At one point she said to keep it so I can pull myself out of the mud.  She then told me to see what I could find out about options.

On July 18 when I went back to Colby, I stopped by to ask advice from Steve Juenemann.  Dad had talked to Steve multiple times for advice on some of his other tractors in the past.  Steve said he would come out and look at the tractor, determine what the issue was with the hydraulics then give me some options for fix, sell or salvage.  He came out the next day.  After looking at it he explained how that kind of break happens and I knew exactly when it happened last summer and Dad did try to fix it but there was still a leak and worked on it again over the winter.  Derrick even helped him with it the second time.  Dad had not had a chance to test it out before he fell sick in April then passed away on May 3.  

Oh, yes.  I tested positive for COVID-19 Monday evening, August 1.

On August 3 Steve Juenemann called me after much research to let me know what he found.  I then sent the following email to my brothers & sisters to keep them informed and to get their thoughts on August 4.

Rose Juenemann <rose3157@yahoo.com>

To:Allen Juenemann,Mary Juenemann,Karen Sippel,Judy Rogers,Cathy Broeckelman

Thu, Aug 4 at 2:26 PM

Hi All, 
As you know Derrick told me he did not want to buy Dad's IH 7140 Magnum tractor. It does have a hydraulic problem.  In short the 3 point cast iron housing is broken.  I talked to Steve Juenemann for advice on our options.  He came out and looked at it and explained how the break like that happens and I know just how and when it happened.  It has nothing to do with what anyone did wrong while using it.  It was a valve that did not work correctly and caused great 10,000 pounds force instead of 3,000 lbs. Dad tried to fix the crack that occurred last summer but did not know about the valve. When the tractor was used this spring it happened again and the came thing happened and caused a big break since it had already been cracked.  
Steve did a lot of research for us and called me yesterday with what he found.  
1.  The cast iron part is no longer made by International Harvester.  He researched and finally found a used part. That will cast around $2,500.00
2.  His service center can work on the tractor as things slow down a bit during the winter.  That will cost around $7,500.00.
3.  Once fixed we should be able to sell it for $20,000 or a bit more.  Dad paid $32,000.00 for the tractor
4.  If we do not want to fix it and then try to sell it, we can sell it for salvage.  One place that buys salvage is Abeline Machine.  Steve believes that we could get $4,000-7,000 for it that way.  
I did some research on the price of the tires if we would want to sell them ourselves (they will fit Derricks 7130 tractor) but it seems salvage value would be greater.  My research on the current selling price of this model tractor seems to be $24,000-50,000+ through dealerships.  I do not know how Dad's tractor would compare to these once fixed or if there will be a stigma because of the repairs.  
Because I am isolated at home due to Covid, I have not talked to Mom about this yet.  She knows that Steve looked at the tractor and was going to give us options (provided she remembers).  I feel it would be better to talk to her in person rather than over the phone about this.  I can get her full attention better in person when it is just her and I there.
I want to keep you all informed and would like your opinions so I can present these to Mom for her to make a decision.  
Love to all,
Rose

Replies I received back to this email:

Kevin Juenemann <kjuenema@yahoo.com>

To:Allen Juenemann,Mary Juenemann,Karen Sippel,Judy Rogers,Cathy Broeckelman

Thu, Aug 4 at 2:48 PM

Do we know if there will be any issues with proving ownership when we go to sell the tractor?  Last I knew we didn't have receipts or anything to prove ownership other than the cancelled check.

That said, I'm great with selling it for salvage. It's a terrible loss, but it wasn't a great purchase in the first place. Once we get a quote, if anyone in our generation of the family wants to buy it for that & pay for the repair to either have a tractor or to flip it for a profit, I'm OK with that.  It won't be me.

Kevin

 

Rose Juenemann <rose3157@yahoo.com>

To:Kevin Juenemann

Thu, Aug 4 at 4:01 PM

Dang, I thought you might want a lawn ornament to remind you of your earlier farm life!

rmj 

Cathy Broeckelman

 <thesatisfiers@yahoo.com>

To:Rose Juenemann

Thu, Aug 4 at 5:58 PM

Rose!

Sorry you're not feeling well.  I started getting a headache after I left last Saturday, so I hope I didn't give anything to any one there.

With what it would cost to fix the tractor, versus what it would bring (maybe) repaired, my opinion would be to sell it for salvage.  The difference to me isn't worth the time and expense to repair it, since it's not needed/wanted by anyone at the farm.  The enjoyment Dad got out of the tractor was worth the difference of what he paid and we can get out of it.  Would Abilene Machine come pick it up, or would we need to arrange and pay for someone to haul it to them?  Will the salvage price be determined before we sell it to them (or whomever) or after they get it on their lot?  Just a few questions that come to my mind about this.  Talk to Mom and see what way she wants to go, but to me it seems like a lot of money spent on something that she won't see much return on, along with being a lot of extra work for someone to get rid of it anyway.

Love,

Cathy

sjrogers@ruraltel.net

 <sjrogers@ruraltel.net>

To:Allen Juenemann,Mary Juenemann,Karen Sippel,Cathy Broeckelman,Rose Juenemann

Thu, Aug 4 at 10:09 PM

My Steve said that he didn’t think you had to have proof of ownership as tractors are not titled (We were talking about this as his brother also has several tractors). I would think the cancelled check would provide any proof if needed. Personally I would sell for salvage. I don’t know that I’d want to put $10000  into it and still have the hassle to sell it with no guarantee of return.  Plus you’d have to pay a commission fee of up to 20-25% at auction. Selling privately could take a lot of time and effort that I don’t have to mess with it.   I like Kevin’s suggestion to offer it to anyone in the family (not me either!) if they want to buy it at salvage price ( call Abilene for a quote??) and mess with it, otherwise let Abilene come and get it just to get it settled. 

Judy

Rose Juenemann <rose3157@yahoo.com>

To:Cathy Broeckelman

Thu, Aug 4 at 10:21 PM

I understand from Steve J that Abeline Machine will pick it up.  I have not talked to them or anyone else at this time as to how salvage all works since we have not made a decision yet. I just heard back from Steve J. last night & have not been up to digging into it more today other than to email the info to you all that I received.  I appreciate all the thoughts & questions.

rmj

Rose Juenemann <rose3157@yahoo.com>

To:sjrogers@ruraltel.net

Thu, Aug 4 at 10:24 PM

I'm sorry you do not want a lawn ornament either, Judy & Steve.  I think I am the only one that gets that privilege of having other peoples farm equipment as my lawn ornaments,  Lucky me, I guess.

rmj

allen juenemann <ajwood63@hotmail.com>

To:sjrogers@ruraltel.net,Mary Juenemann,Karen Sippel,Cathy Broeckelman,Rose Juenemann

Sun, Aug 7 at 3:25 PM

That sure is a shame. If I lived closer, I would say buy the parts & I would make the repairs, but as it stands, it doesn't look like much of a gain to pay for the repairs. I am good with whatever you decide to do. Allen

Because I had COVID and could not go down to Mom's to visit with her and she could not focus when talking to her on the phone I waited till I could see her in person wearing a mask.  I talked to Mom again Sunday evening, August 7, face to face about all that Steve Juenemann told me and read these responses to Mom.  Mom made a face at the cost of repairs and said she didn't think she would want to spend that kind of money then we still will have to try to sell it.  She told me to see what Abilene Machine would offer and I said I'd call them Monday morning.   

Monday, August 8, I did call Abilene Machine and had to leave a voice mail for the person that deals with salvage.  Jeff Finley had been thinking he might want a project for when he retires soon so he did some research of his own.  He called me Monday after I had left the message with Abilene Machine.  He had talked to them for information on parts and talked to Todd (one of the owners) who said for me to email him pictures.  I wrote the following e-mail to Todd with 10 or 11 pictures that I had taken after Derrick parked it in front of my house along with the ID number and engine hours on the tractor.  

Rose Juenemann <rose3157@yahoo.com>

To:eb@abelinemachine.com

Mon, Aug 8 at 4:21 PM

Todd-

Jeff Finley of Levant, KS talked to you earlier today about my father's IH 7140 Magnum tractor.  He explained the issues we have with broken cast iron with hydraulic system.  I personally do not know how to explain the issues.  

I have researched that the cast iron part is no longer made but have found a used piece and can have the tractor fixed for around $10,000.  

My father passed away in May and the grandson that purchased the farm does not want the tractor or to fix it. I was told that it could expect to sell it once fixed for $20,000.  My mother and siblings have no need for the tractor and was told the best option is to contact you to see if you would want to purchase the tractor for salvage.   

We are open to any ideas, input or suggestions.  The tractor is located on the family farm 6 miles west of Selden, KS.  The tractor is accessibly parked at the edge of a field south of the house.  I'm not sure there is enough oil in it to drive it back up to the road at this time.  

Jeff said to send pictures to you.  I have the Model & Identification Number of 7140 & JJA0046147.  I believe it is a 1989 model. The  broken hydraulic cast iron is the only problem we had with the tractor.   5 pictures are attached here and I will send a second email with a few more pictures.

Thank you for your time and any help you can offer.

Sincerely,

Rose Juenemann

Gerald F. Juenemann Estate

12933 W Road 130 N

Selden, KS 67757

785-386-8140

rose3157@yahoo.com

I talked to Mom about putting in a call and e-mailing pictures to Abilene Machine that evening.  This leads me up to the shit storm that all happened the next day (today) Tuesday, August 9.  

I have a long batch of texts that I will post here.  This Blog is just a way for me to journal and is not intended really for anyone else but me.  

Dad must be rolling over in his grave about what has happened next.  I'm sorry, Daddy.  I never intended for any of this to happen and I thought I was doing what Mom asked me to do and did not know the back lash of it all that would follow.   I was not keeping anything secret nor was I looking after anything you and Mom have trusted me with for anything other than for the two of you.  I do not have any personal motives here and have kept all your children informed of all my actions.  I won't even write myself a check for what you had been paying me for.  I do not want it to look to anyone later that I may have been stealing from your accounts or anything for my personal gain at your expense.  I love you, Dad & Mom. I'm sorry if I have let you down in any way.  My heart breaks.

Rose

12 weeks later

  Today Mom & I both were having a tough day missing Dad.  She is so angry at him for leaving her and not coming back.  Just seeing a pair of his Fruit of the Loom underwear set her off in anger and tears.  Yet she is not ready to pack up most of his clothes.  I can't even begin to imaging how she must feel after nearly 66 years of marriage.  Today she said it's not fair that he died before she did.  We all thought that 5 years ago when Mom was diagnoses with Congestive Heart Failure and Breast Cancer that could not be surgically removed that Mom would not be with us long.  The doctors said 5 years is usually maximum life span with this kind of diagnosis.  Dad had congestive heart failure also but he did not take meds very well.  

Last night laying in bed I was thinking about Dad and things we did together over the past 15 years that I have lived on the farm.  Riding the Ranger checking fields or fences or cattle with Dad talking, facing away from me and pointing at something out there - With the motor noise, wind noise, facing away from me and with the wind blowing from my side I could not hear a word he was saying.  Dad talked with a soft voice and could be hard to understand on a quiet day.  After he began having mini strokes his speech became more jumbled or slurred at times making him even harder to hear and understand.

Dad used to talk about people and all their relatives that were old when he was young.  We did not know or really care about that.  I would feel frustrated at times by this but told myself to just listen to his voice.  Some day he will not be here to rattle on about nothing important.  It seemed that whatever was going in circles in his brain would just fall out of his mouth.  We never were sure if he was talking as part of thinking or if he was really talking to us.  Rose, just listen to his voice.  Some day you will miss all that just talking.  

Remember the sound of Dad's voice.  Do I remember it?  Can I hear his voice in my head? Can I hear his voice in my dreams at night?  I can hear things he would tell me but is it his voice or just his words?  I'm afraid I'll forget that sound!  

This past week Mom's air conditioner unit was falling apart at the duct work underneath  There is rusted out spots so water drips inside the house instead of running outside to drain.  I was trying to raise the motor and ducts to get them back lined up.  I hit something that shocked the crap out of me.  I let it be and called Kevin to see if he had any guy advice for me.  The girl thing was not working for me.  A couple days later once everything was dry inside I tried again.  Crap!! I got shocked again.  I then saw that there was a switch outlet that was not covered and only one of the three wires had wire nuts on them.  That is what I hit.  I found the wire nuts and put some on the exposed wires.  I finally got the duct work together enough that I could seal them together with the silver metal tape.  Ok, so it is not totally done right but it is done and will be on.  I found a cast iron skillet with a hole drilled in it with a tube mounted in the hole that ran outside the window.  I discovered that by sitting the skillet on top of the motor and squeezing the flattened side of it between the bend in the duct and the framing of the wall it would catch the leaking water from the rusted duct and actually drain through the tube outside.  Oh, yes, the outlet that we need to plug the fan motor into has a lamp cord attached to it and is plugged into another wall outlet to get power to it.  What was Dad thinking?!  Only my father could cobble pieces and parts together to make something work.  He knew what he was doing but nobody else could really follow or figure it out.  

I love that man with that amazing brain but I still can't follow his line of thinking.  His mind works on another whole plain.  He could take bits of nothing really and put it together to make something else work.  He could fix anything.  I miss that.  I miss his advice on how I should do something.  He would give me 18 different possibilities of how to do it but never just one way to go about it.  I would be so confused.  When I would finally do something, I would "do it a girl way" from all the different things he told me.  He would just shake his head at me.  He got to the point that if I said I was going to do it a girl way, he would usually try to help me eventually.  

I looked at the calendar and found that Dad left 12 weeks ago last night.  It is hard to believe.  I sure miss you, Dad.

Love you, Daddy!

Rose

First Dream about Dad

 Dad died eight weeks ago last night.  I had a dream about him for the first time since he passed away.

I was at the house I grew up in at Hill City.  I was going to leave and go to my house which was north and east of there which is like how I would go to my house I  had in Colby.  I decided I was not going to walk all that way this time so decided to take one of the cars parked at Mom & Dad's house.  There was the 1960 Chevrolet station wagon, the 1964 Dodge Dart, Dad's red work van, Mom's old green Buick, and my red Dodge Dynasty all parked on the street and in the drive way.  I decided to take my own car.  I got into it on the drive way and the north garage door opened up as I opened the door of the car.  I don't know what Dad had done to my car but it immediately began to roll backwards.  (I have dreams of my car rolling backwards a lot - Must be my feelings of being out of control.)  I plopped down on the seat behind the steering wheel and tried to control it but my legs were still outside the car.  I knew I needed to hit the breaks but I could not get my legs to pick up to get to the break pedal.  I tried and tried but could not get my legs to move- neither one would move.  I started to steer the car backwards down the street. I also thought that if I can't press on the breaks maybe if I put the gear shift into park the car would stop.  That did not work either.  The car kept rolling towards the school play ground.  

The next thing I remember is walking up to the house and thinking that as the garage door opened I heard the air compressor start.  Dad must have been going to put air in the tires.  I walked upstairs and Dad was sitting in a dining chair with his back to me.  I walked up behind him and gave him a hug and said "Well, did you get air in the tires?"  

I started to wake up from this dream and could hear the air conditioner running and I was trying to move my legs in bed but they would not move.  I suppose that was what was causing the out of control feelings in my dream.

Dad did not say anything to me and I only saw him from the back and gave him a hug.  

 Love you, Daddy! I sure miss you!

Rose

4 weeks later

  4 weeks ago tonight my father passed away.  Today is the first day that I have really been overly emotional and really cried.   I have been busy figuring out what is needed for Mom and I to continue in daily life.  

Mom has had trouble remembering that Daddy's gone.  She does get that now and that the funeral is over but she thinks that I just made all the decisions and that she was not consulted on any of it and is mad at me a lot.  I know she is grieving and she does not like to show any emotion so it comes out in anger.  I try not to get angry back at her.  

Before Karen went back to Wichita, Mom had us go through some of Dad's clothes.  We sorted things out on the bed but did not start on the closet.  That was all Mom could handle.  The clothes are still on the bed and we have not gone through the closet yet.  I have sorted & organized some items in the office on the two desks but not thrown anything away.  I have done all the paperwork for the life insurances Dad had.  I have called Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance and the long term care insurance to stop those automatic drafts.  Leona Dickman came out last Thursday and Mom picked out a tomb stone for the cemetery. We have an appointment with the lawyer on Thursday, June 2.  That will end the first month of Dad being gone. 

Karen is back for a few days this weekend.  Today I planned to stay home and clean house while she spent the day with Mom.  Layne came over to hang out for several hours so I did not get as much done as I had hoped and I did not have that time to myself.  I'm grateful the kids like to come over and hang out with me.  I am blessed!  Today was just not the day I had hoped for.

I think it is all catching up with me.  I have had a few minutes to myself and the first old "normal" day, I guess.  I did not have to think about what Mom needs since Karen was there and only had to think about what Rose needs for a little bit.  I have back pain today so that doesn't help any either.  

I have gone to the cemetery several times.  The first was a couple days after the funeral and I went to see what his grave looked like.  The next day Mom, Karen & I watched the funeral online since Mom does not remember it and Karen was not able to be at the funeral since she dislocated her shoulder that morning and spent the day in the ER.  The following day we took Mom to the cemetery to see where Daddy was.  I went back this past Friday when I was in town to make the Memorial deposit and to look for grave stones similar to what Mom picked out.  I never thought I'd be a person to go to the grave.  Dad is not there; Dad is in paradise!

I miss my father.  I miss asking Dad how to do something.  I miss riding the Ranger with him to check cattle and fences even though he would talk to me looking the other way and I could not understand a word he was saying over the engine noise and the wind.  I miss listening to all his ramblings about people he has known all his life and that I never knew or cared about.  I miss Dad's whistling as he worked even though he has not whistled for a long time because of his teeth.  I miss watching him 'conduct' as he listens to music and miss hearing him harmonize as he would sing or hum along. I miss listening for the Ranger or tractor to see which way Dad went so if there was trouble I'd have an idea of where to go looking for him because he never turned on his cell phone unless he needed to make a call.   I miss working with him in the shed on equipment, helping him prepare to go to the field, getting him out of the field when he had trouble (breakdowns, knocking over fence posts, and running out of fuel were common), and fixing fence and chasing cattle together.

There is a GriefShare program in Hoxie that started a week or two ago that I saw in the newspaper.  I am thinking about going to it.   I'll check into it further tomorrow because the meetings are on Tuesday evenings.  

I'm ok.  I just needed a good cry.  Actually my first good cry.  

I'm grateful for the plan of salvation and to know that I can be sealed to my parents in the future.  I am joyful for my father deep in my heart yet my heart hurts with grief .  Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the blessing of family and for all the blessings you have given to us.  

Miss you! Love you, Daddy!

Good night.

Rose

Daddy's Gone

  One month ago today I took Dad to the ER and he was admitted for pneumonia from asperation and not able to eat or drink without chocking.  I never dreamed that in one short month he would have passed away and his funeral would be over.  

Dad passed away on May 3, 2022 at 12:35 am.  His funeral was Monday, May 9, 2022.  

At this time I'm still absorbing it and all the changes this means.  I can't journal about it all yet but will soon.  I want to record all my thoughts since the last post "Rough Times" and get it all down.  I know to do this will be a very emotional process for me and I'm not quite ready for that.  

I went to the cemetery tonight.  I think Mom is wanting to go so maybe tomorrow I'll take her.  That will be very hard for her since she does not remember much other than that "Daddy died".  

Derrick had a melt down this evening because he had trouble with water and with air conditioning unit.  He came to ask Grandpa for advice and he is not here.  Derrick is really struggling.

One of these days I'll fall apart, most likely once Karen leaves to return to Wichita.

I am joyful for my father, pray for my family, and thank God for all the many blessings.

Rose

(Original post May 11, 2022)

Rough Times

  I have not journaled here for a long time. So much has happened in the mean time.  I've healed well from my surgeries of 2 years ago.  Mom and Dad have been having some issues.

First, Mom's breast cancer seems to be stable.  She was so weak that she spent a week in the hospital last summer.  She went on Home Health care when she was discharged as much as she hated it.   Then in the fall she developed Volva cancer. After a biopsy she was sent to Wichita to a gynecologic-oncologist.  It was determined that she needed radiation therapy in order to have any chance of killing this.  We spent 6 weeks in Wichita with Karen & Ron during this treatment time.  She now does not show any cancer or pre-cancer cells.  Success!  Mom really doesn't remember much of this because of the dementia and that is ok.  Dad came with us for the whole time and that was good for both of them.  Being at Karen's home and having the treatments in Wichita was so much easier on everyone (except maybe Karen & Ron) rather than driving 110 miles one way 5 days a week.   Thank you, Karen & Ron.  

When we returned to the farm, Dad has been so fatigued and did not go out much while it was cold.  When it started getting warmer he seemed even more fatigued and developed a head cold that turned into sinus infection and ear infection.  He had no appetite all winter and had lost some weight.  With the sinus infection he had so much flehm that it was causing choking and he's cough so hard that he had trouble catching his breath again.  He spit and spit out crud.  After 3 weeks he was finally convinced to allow me to take him to the doctor.  He had blood work, chest x-ray, COVID-19, & Strep  tests done.  He was put on antibiotics and steroids.  Two weeks later he was no better and we went back to the doctor.  Another steroid shot and a stronger antibiotic.  5 days later Dad called me and asked me to take him to the hospital.  If he wants to go see a doctor or feels he needs the ER I do not argue one bit.  Clothes on and out the door I go before he changes his mind again.  Dad had not been able to swallow much in food or drink for the past month from being so sick.

In the ER these same tests were run again and this time he did have pneumonia.  The ER doctor wanted to admit him but the hospitalist refused because he did not need oxygen.  ER doc did not agree with hospitalist and pushed back to get a CT to make sure there was not more going on than the x-ray showed.  Hospitalist still refused to admit Dad.  The ER doc asked if I wanted to speak in person with the hospitalist and I said, "Heck, yea, I do".  He called him to the hospital from the clinic and I explained again about the trouble swallowing and he did finally agree to admit him for some fluids and nourishment.  Thank goodness Dad's primary care PA does his own rounds for his patients and we did not have to have the hospitalist!  It was determined through speech therapy and swallowing studies that Dad's throat muscles are too weak that they do not squeeze the food or drink down and when the area fills up above those muscles then he chokes and all comes back out with flehm and saliva.  Any fluids drop straight into his lungs and any residual from chewing also goes into the lungs.  The pneumonia was from aspiration rather than actual pneumonia infection fluid on the lungs.  IV antibiotics helped to clear up the infections but he still could not swallow.  In fact it kept getting worse.  At this point Dad refused a feeding tube.  He just wanted to go home.  After 5 days in the hospital without fluid or food, the plan was to go home.  Dad told his doctor that he just wanted to die, "Just shoot me", he said.  Brian decided to keep him over the weekend.  There was no improvement but they could not keep him in the hospital since there was a diagnosis and a treatment plan which was to work at getting Ensure or Boost liquid down.  

It was decided between Mom & Dad and the doctor with the social worker that maybe going to the rehab center for a while to get stronger and to have daily PT, OT and Speech therapy.  Wed, April 20 Dad was transferred to Colby Health and Rehab because he wanted a private room and he would have to share at Prairie Senior Living Center. With our large family, a private room is much better choice.  

Admission on Wednesday. Family meeting with all department heads on Thursday. Friday he was to be assessed for therapy that would start on Monday.  Things did not quite work out that way.  After refusing to consider a feeding tube unless last resort. Dad finally figured out that this is not going away nor is it getting better on its own.  If he wanted to live longer, it was not last resort time and Thursday night he chose to have the feeding tube.  Derrick, Karen & Mom went to the rehab center early Friday morning to get the ball rolling to get that done.  I got a call with appointments for surgery consultation with Dr. Kopriva today, April 26 and the insertion of the feeding tube for May 2. So Dad did not get the therapy workup and no therapy has been started this week.  

Going to the rehab center was to be 2-4 weeks to get stronger then go home.  The center is to transport him to all appointments with the doctor and hospital.  Dad is to get PT, OT and Speech Therapy 5 days a week.  The staff came to give Dad a bath Friday morning and he had a choking episode and they took him back to his room because he became light headed.  They never came back later to get him showered.  He asked Saturday and Sunday over and over and was finally told they could not do that.  

Monday morning I met with the nursing director to ask questions and to get clarifications on what we were told and what is happening.  She was upset that they never gave him a bath and refused when he asked for it.  I also asked about the rehab schedule and she said she would check but she never got back to me on that.  Dad asks for ice and never gets it.  He is on IV fluids again but we had to throw a fit in order to get them to contact the doctor for it.  He will get Pepcid liquid every morning and Liquid Tylenol about the same but he chocks on it and it doesn't go down.  He does have a pain patch and is to get an epidural in his back on Thursday although Dad is fighting against that.  

Today for Dad's appointment at the hospital, the center told Derrick that they did not have anyone available to take him to that appointment.  Thank goodness Derrick stayed because he wheeled Dad over to the hospital himself.  Talk about making someone pissed off.  Derrick & I are both madder than heck about it.  At this time I do not see that the rehab center is doing anything for Dad other than treating him like a long term resident placed there to wait out death alone.  The staff doesn't know what to do with a large family that comes to visit all the time.  We are the Juenemann Family! Get used to it!

I am so angry.  Not at Dad or his doctor.  I am angry that Dad has to go through this although I know this is part of the life process.  I am angry that there is nothing I can do to help him.  That is part of why I'm at the farm is to take care of Dad & Mom and to keep them in their own home rather than a nursing home. 

I know God has a plan for each of us individually.  I trust God's plan.  I do not doubt that at all.  I can accept that.  My prayer is that whatever the plan is, we do not know what God knows, Dad can have peace and not have to suffer for a long time.  To be completely honest, I feel that Dad will improve if he is meant to be on earth longer or he won't improve even with the nutrition and fluids through the feeding tube if it is time for him to return to his heavenly home.  I just am selfish enough that I do not want him to suffer just to linger here a little longer.  I know that God's plan does not just include Dad but how it affects all of us as well.  We all have something to learn through this.  

I'm grateful Karen was at the farm for the weekend and stayed when Dad was admitted to the hospital. Having her here has helped to tag team with Mom and time at the hospital.  Karen has allowed me to get a break from the hospital and rehab center to have a little time to myself and to rejuvenate. Mom doesn't know where Dad is, how long he has not been home, or that we just left from spending the day with him.  Most of the time when we get to the rehab center she knows that Dad is sick.  One morning she thought we were going to see her Daddy not mine, her husband.  She was so shocked that it was "My husband, Jerry" that we were in town to visit.  My heart hurts so much for her.

It is rough.  It is hard.  It is a blessing at the same time. I have seen more affection between my parents in the past 2 weeks than I have in all my 65 years.  My siblings are pulling together to help Mom & Dad.  I have had 15 years on the farm with Mom & Dad most every day. I have been able to help them as they have needed more help.  They have been my support system as well.  They gave me a place to heal & live so I could live within my means when I had to quit work and go on disability.  They have been my best friends.  I have loved helping Mom around the house and with sewing & quilting projects.  I have loved spending time with Dad outside checking or chasing cattle, fixing fences, working on equipment and even learning to drive one of the tractors.  Of course I always run the controls a girl way, backwards from how a man does it, and nearly dump him out of the scoop every time.

Love you, Dad. Praying for improvement but God's will be done.

All my love always,

Rose

(Original post April 26, 2022)

Trying to eat cheese 4/6/2022

Ready to feed cattle with Layne 3/23/2022

Weak in rehab 4/25/2022

Getting some fresh are at the hospital 4/17/2022

Still Cancer Free

 CANCER FREE!!  Almost 2 months ago I finally had my 1 year colon cancer follow up colonoscopy.  It was put off because of my second knee surgery then because of the COVID shutdowns.  I had to have a COVID test prior to the procedure which was negative.  The colonoscopy went very well.  All is good-the resection, no new polyps.  I am one year cancer free.  I do not need to have the colonoscopy done again for 2 years.  I never saw an oncologist when all this happened a year and a half ago because of all the doctor whirlwind to make sure I could have the surgeries.  Dr. Kopriva felt bad that I fell through the cracks and wanted me to see one now just for the records.  I saw Dr. Dennis Moore, Jr that Mom has seen for 12 years.  He said I was doing great and to return again in a year. 

Rose

More random thoughts

  So much seems to be happening.  It is six months since my last knee surgery.  I have recovered nicely from all three surgeries.  My knees are good if only I would get the rest of me in better shape (wishful thinking for the past 25 years).  My knee surgery was the last day that elective surgeries were done for quit a while.  Since then the world seems to have blown up (so to speak).  COVID-19 Corona Virus hit the world hard. The west coast states are burning up with wildfires.  The east coast & gulf areas have  been hit my hurricanes.  I am glad things are slowing down and I am more able to stay home on the farm.

COVID-19 Corona Virus - Businesses were closed with special precautions were taken by those open.  Schools did not return after spring break and the year was finished through online classes.  Temples were closed, church meetings were canceled for 4 months.  We have begun shortened Sacrament meetings only here but so many places are still not having meetings at church.  Once restrictions for COVID eased up some and schools opened again there has been another outbreak.  Yesterday my sister, Judy, tested positive for the virus.  She is quarantined for two weeks.  My niece, Dana, across the road, has been exposed by a student and is half way through her quarantine.  I am trying to keep myself as safe as possible and to keep my parents safe as well.  We are all taking extra precautions.  Some people take the virus seriously and others think it is all political but I'd rather error on the side of caution.  I was supposed to sub at school the past week and am so grateful that I decided not to do that.  

Wildfires - The west coast states have had many, many wildfires.  We have had such beautiful sunrises, sunsets and the moon as well because of the smoke in the air.  Huge looking red fireballs in the sky.  Last night the half moon looked clear then a couple house later it looked red.  Today the weather channel is giving special weather alerts for smoke and advising people here in Kansas to stay inside because of lower visibilities and poor air quality.  I just went out and you can see the smoke hanging in the low places and the smoke smell is very strong.

Hurricanes - Hurricanes have hit the gulf coast several times in the past month. Usually we get rain in a couple weeks after that happens.  I do not know of any rain expected but we will get some cooler weather again next week.  After earlier storms we did get some rain and a week of cool weather but this week has been in the mid to upper 90's but the nights have been in the upper 50's.  Next week is to be in the 60's and 70's with nights in the 40'sa.  My kind of weather!  I love fall.  Some trees in the creek are beginning to change color.

This week I bought a new pretty for my yard.  I have been trying to spray and pull weeds this summer as well as transplant some of the Bermuda grass to get it to spread.  I have had gofers or moles tearing up the front and finally got them taken care of.  I am working on cleaning out the flower beds and water the yard well.  I decided it was time for something special to look nice even if the yard doesn't at this time.  I bought a jeweled wind spinner and put it in the south flower bed between the two living room windows.  The past three days we have not had enough breeze to make it spin or it needs to be out in the open more.  I like all the bright colors on it.  I most likely will need to bring it in for the winter but it may be protected enough from the north wind that I can leave it out.  

Happy Fall, Y'all!

Rose

Second Knee Replacement

Two weeks ago I had my third surgery in 11 months.  On March 16^th I had a total knee replacement on my left knee.  Once again Karen has allowed me to come to Wichita for the surgery and to stay with her for my recovery time. 

Our world is dealing with COVID-19 Corona virus.  There has been a lot of ‘self-distancing’ and ‘stay at home’ orders, ‘non-essential business’ closures, ‘no gatherings over 10 people and 6 feet apart’ directives, school buildings closed and finishing the school year through online technology.  Kansas is under a ‘lockdown’ order until April 19.

I found out the day of my surgery was the last day of elective surgeries and everything after that had been cancelled because of the virus.  The hospital was quiet and all safety measures were strictly in force.  Karen was stopped at the front door and interviewed about personal health symptoms and recent travel before being allowed to visit me. 

 For this surgery I had a different doctor and it was done at a different facility.  Overall I felt the first knee replacement went well but my doctor moved from the Wichita area.  This time seemed easier than the first time.  I don’t know if it is because the leg bones were not nearly as damaged as the first knee or if it was that I knew what to expect.  I knew what worked to get out of the chair, in and out of bed, and how to get up and down in the bathroom.  I also had an ice cooler ice pack.  I did not cry these first two weeks like I did last time.  I think I am in a better emotional state this time around. 

I am going to physical therapy 3 days a week.  Because of the virus lockdown, when I arrive I call into the office and someone comes out to the car to take my temperature.  I am then taken directly into a sterilized therapy room.  They have patients staggered enough that I never see anyone else.  I was to have a doctor appointment today to have my staples taken out but the office called me yesterday and said the physical therapy office could take them out for me.  Katie took them out and my doctor appointment was rescheduled for another week.  I cannot drive until I see my doctor for release to do so.  I feel that I am doing pretty well.  My measurements are at 7 degrees on the flat and 110 degrees on the bend when I was 10 days post surgery.  I am to be at 0 and 120 after 6 weeks.  I have minimal pain and am mostly using extra strength Tylenol.  I take a pain pill before therapy if I remember and one at bedtime. 

I am grateful to be doing well and am confident that I will recover well and be stronger for it.  I look forward to being able to be home this summer to take care of things around the yard and house and to help Mom & Dad. 

The Corona virus lockdown has not really affected me because of being post operative but it would not really be much different if I were at the farm.  We do not usually go to town but once a month unless we have doctor appointments.  I keep plenty of food and supplies.

Our prophet has prepared us for something like this.  I appreciate the “Home-Centered & Church Supported” way of study and technology to help with that.  We have been counseled about temporal & spiritual preparedness.  I am looking forward to General Conference this coming weekend. 

“If ye are prepared ye shall not fear.”  (D&C 38:30)

Rose

6 weeks post knee replacement

As of yesterday I am now 6 weeks post total knee replacement.  I am doing very well.  I have extension at 0 degrees and bend at 135 degrees.  I have been at this for over a week now.  I can ride the NuStep recumbent stepper for 20 minutes and 3/4 mile with a load of 5.  I can go up and down stairs using the right leg as the stronger leg and take the steps one over the other instead of one at a time.  Physical therapy has been very pleased and say that I am more advanced in my recovery than is expected for 6 weeks post surgery.  This is great but it has also caused a bit of other problems.  My leg strength is weak and has been for a long time since fibromyalgia and then knee problems have kept me from exercise.  Also because of the quick recovery of movement, my muscles have not recovered as fast as the knee joint.  I seem to have a bit of a click in the knee cap at a certain point of bend and extension but the knee feels stable.  This causes a little tenderness around the knee cap area but nothing intense.  I have not taken pain meds for 3 weeks now.  Working on strengthening has caused some mild fibro flair-ups and my whole body feels very fatigued and achy.  I need to continue the strengthening exercises but have slowed down the intensity a little.  

My incision is healed up nicely.  I still have a tiny bit of scabbing that is working itself out but I am able to work on the incision massages to help soften it up.  Besides the outside incision there are two interior incisions that also needed to heal and be worked out.  I still have a mark on the skin on my thigh where the tourniquet was and a muscle tightness just above the incision.  The incision is no more red than the ones on my belly from the colon cancer surgery in April. Today my knee area is taped to see if that will help stabilize the clicking feeling at the bottom of the knee cap or I'd take another picture and post here.  My skin on the surgery leg is much dryer than that on the other leg but my skin is always dry.  The surgery leg has areas that the skin is peeling and flaking.  I removed the toenail polish last night and also noticed that the toenails on my surgery foot seem to have a white-ish film on them that also peels and flakes off.  My non-surgery leg and foot seem norman-no peeling and flaking.  Weird!  

I have 2 more physical therapy appointments in Goddard then I can return home.  I will follow up with PT in Colby but should only need to go once a week to make sure I am doing ok and that I am adjusting to the increase in busy home and farm life over the 'easy city life' staying at Karen's home.  I am excited to go home again.  It has been wonderful staying in Wichita because I would not have progressed this rapidly at home.  I will be hitting the ground running, so to speak, when I get home.  I will have physical therapy, dad will have doctor appointments and cataract surgery, Mom will have a doctor appointment and I will have lab and doctor appointment all within the first 3 weeks home.

I am so grateful to Karen for allowing me to move in with her for 8 weeks, have surgery and work on my recovery in Wichita.  She has taken good care of me.  I feel that I have not been any help to her but only let her take care of everything for me.  This next week I hope I can do some things to help her for a change.  I also am grateful to my siblings at home for looking in on Mom & Dad and helping them out as they needed help.  I can take over again in a week.  I have really missed not seeing them every day and knowing just how things really are around the farm.  It is nice having Mom in Wichita this week and next.

I will return to Wichita on October 25 for a follow up appointment with the knee surgeon.  We will see if I can impress him as much as I have my physical therapists.  

Rose

Total Knee Replacement

Today is the three week mark after total knee replacement.    My orthopedic surgeon told me my knee was bone on bone even though I did not have a lot of pain.  It was hard to walk any distance (not that this was anything new) and really hard to walk anywhere that was unlevel.  Walking up and down the hill to Mom & Dad's house, walking through the house yard or the front drive or road that was uneven would cause pain.  At times I felt like the knee would go out from under me as I stepped on it or as I was standing I could feel the bones shift against each other.  That would cause a sharp pain.  I was concerned about the increase in pain with surgery since the pain level was not bad. I could sit and have absolutely no pain. I felt the knee was unreliable and that was a concern that I'd fall and actually hurt myself.

On July 11 I had a total knee replacement on my right knee.  I had this done in Wichita by Dr. Thomas Sanders with Advanced Orthopedic Associates.  You know you are getting old when your doctor looks the age of Doogie Howser.  I loved the care I received at the Kansas Surgery & Recovery Center. 

I actually do not remember as much of this surgery day as I do the colon surgery day on April 18.  I remember pre-op when they told me I would have the spinal epidural.  I was not happy with this and told them I wanted to be out enough that I do not remember anything-no talking, noise or smells.  I remember being wheeled from pre-op to the surgery room but do not remember anything in the surgery room or the recovery room.  The next thing I really remember is being wheeled down the hall to my room.  I ate regular food for supper that evening.  I did not have to get up to walk till the next morning. 

My nursing care was wonderful and they helped keep on top of the pain control.  Physical therapy was kind and went well.  With surgery on Thursday afternoon I was asked if I was ready to leave the hospital on Saturday but I said no because I had not even been allowed to go to the bathroom by myself yet.  I was allowed to stay till Sunday afternoon before being released.  I was able to get out of bed and go to the bathroom alone and walk the halls with the therapist or nurse nearby. 

The first week was pure hell for me.  People told me "You'll be so glad you did this." or "It will be so good.".  I felt that everyone had lied to me.  I was mad at everyone that had this done before for not telling me it is the hardest thing I will have ever done.  I will tell others that ask me that exact thing.  IT IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER GONE THROUGH.   Colon cancer surgery was a breeze both physically and mentally compared to total knee replacement.  I would get out of bed for the bathroom, to sit in the recliner in the living room for a while and to go to physical therapy.  Other than that I would lay in bed in tears.  Physical pain even with the pain meds and emotional drain was just so much to me.  I do not know why I was crying but I could not stop. 

10 days post total knee replacement

Over the weekend a week post surgery I began to do a little better.  Over the second week I did not cry as much, getting around was a little bit easier.  I spent more time in the recliner but laid down each afternoon.  I did the exercises given to me from physical therapy.  They hurt but I knew I had to do them if I wanted to improve.  At the end of the second week my movement was leg straight down to 4 degrees and the leg bend was at 95 degrees.  I was told that is great for only 2 weeks post surgery.  I was riding the recumbent stepper even though I was very slow and deliberate with the bend of the knee.  I also had reduced my pain meds from two pills to one each time I needed it.  I began to have a fibromyalgia flair up because I was not taking the Lyrica because the surgeon had me on Gabepentin for post surgery nerve pain.  I began taking the Lyrica again and that improved quickly.  At the end of the second week I actually began to feel like I was a human again.

That next weekend Karen left me in Wichita alone and went to the farm for our annual family reunion.  I had 2 days alone and did nothing much but sleep.  It was very restorative for me to have a lot of quiet alone resting time.  On Monday July 29, I had a follow up appointment with the surgeon to have the 38 staples removed.  I asked a lot of questions that he answered as he pulled out those little metal staples.  He was very pleased with the look of the incision and with the amount of movement I had in the knee.  He actually said I was doing great and was ahead of schedule with my recovery process and to return to see him in October (3 months).  I was so excited to hear this.

When I got home from my doctor appointment I was putting things away in the bedroom.  I had one hand on the walker and leaned over to place something on the bed and dresser.  As I stood back up straight my blouse was caught on the rubber hand hold of the walker and when it released it caused me to loose my balance.  As I was falling backwards instinct kicked in and I tried to catch myself and my balance, throwing myself to the side instead of straight backwards onto my butt, back and hitting my head on the door frame.  I ended up against the bedroom door still on my feet but pulled my thigh muscle above the replaced knee.  The pain was so intense it took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes.  Oh, man, that was bad!

On Tuesday at PT my knee movement was at 1 degree on the flat and 114 degrees on the bend even with the pulled muscle .  The therapist was in shock at the amount of improvement over the weekend.  The PT goal in 6-12 weeks is for 0 degrees and 120 degrees.  This week PT has begun working with steps strengthening the surgery knee.  Today we began working on the stairs with the surgery leg to build up strength.  It was sore but good.  Afterwards I was tender.  I also transitioned from the walker to the cane today.  I am slow and very thoughtful with it at this time but that will also improve with more practice and use.  It will be nice to be able to get into a store or business easier.  This week I had 2 pain pills Monday before the doctor appointment, 2 pills on Tuesday before PT and 1 pill today before PT.  The rest of the time I have been using the extra strength Tylenol only. 

Today is 3 weeks post total knee replacement surgery.  I am no longer mad at everyone who did not tell me it would be the hardest thing I'd ever done to this time.  Physical therapy is not as bad as I had expected.  I feel like I will get through this and be better when it is all done.  I am not ready to go home but will try driving this weekend.  Karen is going to work on Monday morning starting a new job so I will need to get myself to PT.  It is only a few miles down the road and up a back road into Goddard to PT.  I think I should be able to do that.  I am not ready for Wichita traffic or to drive home yet but this will be a good start.  Emotionally I am doing so much better and have not cried all week.  Physically I am doing well according to the doctor and my physical therapists. 

I am grateful to be doing so well.  I am grateful to be through the worst part of it all.  I have had some health discoveries this year and some health recoveries to get through but am doing well.  I pray that as I become fully recovered that I will be stronger because of what I have gone through and to be more able to help Mom and Dad as they need more help.  I would like to travel and being able to walk easier will be great.  I have learned to pray more and with more intensity and purpose, to ask for the help I need to get through the tough times, and to pray with much gratitude.  I have still studied "Come Follow Me" and read scriptures daily even though I did not write for the first week after surgery.  I have been so blessed and am so grateful.

Cancer Free

I am now 6 weeks post surgery.  Two weeks was easy.  Three weeks was easy.  I saw the surgeon.  She told me the surgery went very well.  The right side of the colon was removed along with 30 lymph nodes and my appendix.  There was a small tumor where the polyp was plastered to the inner wall of the colon that showed cancer but it had not penetrated the colon wall.  That is great news.  Also great news was that all the lymph nodes were clear of cancer.  Because of the surgery, I am now cancer free.  CANCER FREE!!  At this time the followup recommendation is repeat colonoscopy in one year.   I will also followup with my surgeon at home in another 2-3 weeks.  I can go back home to the farm. 

The next day Karen had off school so we were going to have a play day before I left Wichita to go to the farm.  We slept in and decided to run a couple errands to pick up some things to take home for Mom and Dad then eat BBQ for lunch and check out a quilt shop before going home to maybe sew the rest of the day.  Errands done, the BBQ shop was closed that we wanted to go to so we went to a Mexican restaurant close by.  It just seemed to be a let down after what we had been looking forward to.  Even the quilt shop did not have any spark.  We went home and I took a nap before packing up things and loading the car. 

Friday, May 10, I met some friends for lunch then drove to the farm.  It was nice to be home.  It was nice to see Mom & Dad again.  I really missed them especially since Dad had been in the hospital while I was in Wichita and Mom stayed in Colby at Mary's for a week.  It was hard for me to be so far away and to have to allow everyone else take care of Mom & Dad and their needs.  They are all busy in their own lives and not right here like I usually am.  I knew I had to stay in Wichita or I would have over done things around the farm and not really rested enough to fully take care of myself.  As soon as I got home I jumped right back into the routine of life on the farm.  I was glad to be home.  I really still needed at least another 3 weeks of recuperation but did not really fully do that.  Shame on me!  So glad to be home but paid the price.

Post surgery

Today I am 2 weeks post surgery for colon cancer.  On April 18 I had colon resection because of a polyp being cancer in the colon.  I went into the hospital that morning and had surgery.  I was dismissed from the hospital two days later on April 20 and Karen took me to her home to recover.

In the hospital I had a great night nurse and one great day nurse assistant.  The others were ok.  I really did not have much nurse help.  I got out of bed by myself.  I walked the halls by myself.  I asked how to get out of bed when I got home and was told to roll over but I was never shown.  I had to ask for ice water any time I wanted it as they never offered it.  I was never offered a snack between meals as being diabetic.  For having gut surgery one nurse listened for bowel sounds only one time.  The resident doctor came in to see me at 5:30 the first morning and at 2:30 the second morning.  I was not awake enough to think of any questions to ask about the surgery itself, what was done, what to expect, pathology, or anything else.  The surgeon came in once about 24 hours after I was done with surgery.  I'm not sure any of them ever listened to heart or lung sounds either.  They were more concerned that I did not get up to pee at all one night.  I actually slept through the night and barely woke up when they came in to take vitals and when the doctor came in.  My pain was down and I was out.

I was on tylenol for pain and oxy only if needed.  I think I had 3 oxy tablets only while in the hospital.  The doctor wrote a prescription for that but I did not fill it.  Tylenol is all I have used for pain since being discharged.  It is all I have needed and I have hardly used any of that since the first week.  I was on a clear liquid diet for 24 hours after surgery then put on a full regular diet.  I could order anything I wanted.  They did not put me on a heart healthy diet nor on a diabetic diet.  They did take me blood sugar readings and gave me insulin shots though. 

Saturday and Sunday after getting out of the hospital I slept a lot.  I could get out of bed by myself and I showered without any help.  By Monday I was up in the chair watching TV a big part of the day.  I was really getting around and feeling so much better right out of the hospital than I ever thought I would be.

Wednesday Emily and her girls came over to work in the yard.  I went outside and played with the girls.  It was my first outing.  We chased butterflies and picked lilacs.  We made lilac beds because we were lilac princesses. These two are the most beautiful lilac princesses, don't you think?
It was a lot of fun playing with the girls even though I sat in a lawn chair in the shade of the lilac tree most of the time.  I was really tired & hurting at the end of the afternoon and went to bed early that night.

We have to pull the petals off the flowers from the bushes to make our princess beds.

 

Princess Isla                                  Princess Flora                                         Even Aunt Rose gets                                                                                                                                  lilacs in her hair.

Saturday(one week after getting out of the hospital) the girls, Grandma Karen and Aunt Rose went on an outing to shop for flowers and out for lunch.  That was my first ride in the car after coming home.  After that I was ready for a 'rest' with the girls.  I was wiped out.  That was harder than chasing butterflies. 

Yesterday was Karen's retirement reception at school.  We went over to school for that.  She received some very nice gifts from her fellow teachers and co-workers.  They gave her some nice flowers, decorative flower pots, a flower pot with paper flowers with gift cards in each flower to different restaurants and one to the quilt shop.  There were other cards and one of her other retired friends even gave her $50.00 cash.  They had punch, cupcakes, and trail mix.  Someone went to a lot of work and found yearbooks for every year Karen had worked in the district and marked the pages that she was pictured in.  This was displayed on a table covered with quilts.  They definitely know her and her hobbies. She didn't really want this recognition but it really was nice.  I'm glad I was here to celebrate with her,

Today, two weeks after surgery, I made my first alone outing.  I drove for the first time.  I went to Washer Specialty to pick up an order for Cathy.  I then decided to get gas in my car and went out to lunch at Spangles.  On the way home I saw garage sale signs so I decided to follow the trails.  I stopped by four garages.  I bought a Christmas tree topper that is a shinny brass filigree star that will go perfectly with all the shinny brass filigree ornaments I have for the tree.  I paid a whopping 25 cents for it. At another garage I spent $6, $1 for a sturdy steel plant stand for outside and $5 for a step ladder with 4 steps and a tray to hold tools and paint cans.  It is metal piping base construction and heavy plastic/rubber steps.  It will be much nicer for working outside around the house than the two step kitchen stool. 

Overall, I think two weeks after surgery I am doing well.  My incisions are healing nicely.  The glue and scabs are getting loose and I having to cut off sections that are loose so that it does not catch on my clothing and pull off what is still attached and not ready to come off.  My tummy muscles are still a little tender in spots and the belly is still swollen and oddly shaped but it is tender and getting better.  I even wore regular jeans with zipper and button waist band yesterday.  Yes, they are 2 sizes larger that the pair that I wore the day I drove to Wichita.  Driving was not a problem but the rough roads, speed bumps, and potholes make me hold my tummy a bit.  What bothers me the most is my knee that needs a replacement and the opposite hip and lower back.  I think because of the one it effect the other.  That has nothing to do with the surgery so I'm good. 

I know I am not fully recovered and still need to take it easy.  I have a follow up appointment with the surgeon next week.  I did get a call from the nurse at the surgeon's office with the pathology report.  She told me that they removed 31 lymph nodes and they were all clear.  This means I am cancer free.  I will get more information on the follow up appointment.  She did mention that I will be referred to an oncologist for further followup regarding the cancer.  I hope she will let me go to Dr. Moore since Mom has seen him in the past for colon cancer and is now seeing him for breast cancer. Because of that family relationship with him as an oncologist, I would like to continue that if she thinks that would be appropriate.  After that I am hoping to be able to go back to western Kansas to the farm - to go home. 

Home!! Finish recovery. Back to regular life. Back to seeing Mom & Dad every day.  Back to helping them in whatever way I can and whatever way they need. 

I may have had a cancer diagnosis but it has been a blessing in my life.  I have felt calm and peace throughout this entire process.  I have felt that all will be ok, no matter what happens, God is in control and will take care of me through it all.  I will not be left alone.  I have felt comfort and I have felt joy. The timing of finding the malignant polyp and the size it was to everything that has happened in the meantime that lead to a heart cath showing that my heart is in much better shape than the doctors thought and having the colon surgery to find no further cancer in the colon or lymph nodes.  I have been blessed with healing.  I have been blessed with peace.  I have been blessed with an increase in faith.  I have been blessed with an increase in my testimony of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I have been blessed by the Holy Priesthood.  I have been blessed by attending the Temple, The House of the Lord.  My family has also been blessed because of what I have gone through.  My siblings have stepped in to help with our parents while I have been away from the farm and not there to do that.  Dad has been ill and in the hospital and not able to do all he has on the farm and others have had to figure out their own responsibilities.  This, too, is a blessing to our entire family.  I am so grateful for all the blessing my family and I have received through our trials over the past few months.  I know God has a plan for each of His children and I marvel at how all things work together for our good.  My heart is go full of love and joy and gratitude.  Thank you, Loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, Savior and Redeemer of the World.

Rose

In Preparation

Now it is time to prepare.  April 3 I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Saad from the heart cath.  He was pleased with the results and will follow up again with me in August when Mom and I already have appointments scheduled.  I think after that I will be able to follow up with Amanda on a regular basis and with him annually.  Mom's follow up appointment with Dr. Moore was great.  Her tumors have shrunk by half since the last PET scan and the activity level has decreased by half plus more again.  He will follow up again in August but is very pleased with her progress for only being able to take oral medication. 

Once we got back to the farm even though I had 2 weeks before returning to Wichita for surgery I actually only had 3 full days and about that many part days to get all done to feel ready to leave for 3-4 weeks again.  I worked at the library, Dad had doctor appointments, I had doctor appointments, I had chest x-rays and lab work that had to be on certain days in relationship to the surgery days, I went to Denver to the Temple and that trip had to be rescheduled at the last minute  because of a spring blizzard.  I ordered refills on all Mom & Dad's medications so they had enough to get through till I got home.  I filled all their daily medication dispensers also.  But I forgot to order my own med refills.  Dad hurt his back and could not walk and needed to go to the doctor the last day I was to be home before leaving & I wanted to take him in but he refused to let me.  Thankfully my sister, Cathy, called and told him she would be out to get him and take him in.  She stepped in when I needed her to so I could get myself ready to leave for my own medical needs.  I am grateful to her for that.  Because Dad is in so much pain and needing help, Mom decided to stay home to help him instead of coming to Wichita with me for my surgery.  Karen will take care of me while she takes care of Dad at home.

I did get everything lined out for Mom and Dad.  I did get my house in some kind of decent order.  I did get everything that I needed packed and loaded in the car.  I did get to Wichita yesterday.  I am ready to start the pre-surgery preparatory colon cleanout now.  I begin at 1 pm with antibiotics, laxative pills and Miralax drinks till 1 am.  Do you suppose I will actually get any sleep?  I will need to be up in the morning at 4:30 to shower and get ready to leave Karen's house at 5:30 for the hospital.  I'll sleep tomorrow.  I'm ready for pain medication so my knee may not hurt so badly.

The best part of all the 'preparation' has not been getting all those things ready but getting myself ready spiritually.  Throughout this entire process I have felt so blessed.  I have had a priesthood blessing the first of March when I got the call to head to Wichita and I had the whirlwind week of doctor appointments.  I have felt so much peace through the past couple months since being diagnosed with colon cancer.  The biggest preparation I insisted I was going to do was to go to Denver and attend the Temple.  I was to have blood work on Thursday, exactly one week before surgery so planned to go to the Temple after that.  I wanted to go out and spend that afternoon in the Temple and again the following morning before coming back home in the afternoon.  Nature had a different idea.  A severe winter storm was predicted to come in Wednesday evening and last through Thursday afternoon. That blood work had to be exactly one week before surgery-not a day earlier or later.  Monday night I look at the weather and decided to go to the Temple Tuesday and come back Wednesday and stay in Colby with my sister, Mary, so I would be in town to get the blood work done Thursday.  Good planning.  Overall the plan worked.  I enjoyed the time with Mary.  It had been a very long time since we have actually sat down and spent that kind of time together just talking and being together.  I loved it.

I arrived at the Temple semi fasting.  I had Glucerna shakes for breakfast and lunch but no food.  I was feeling at peace and with a grateful heart because of all the blessings I have received throughout the past couple months with all that has been going on with my health issues.  Not only the health issues but within my family also.  Allen fell through a ceiling shattering his heal and breaking his back yet not needing surgery for either and will have a full recovery.  My sisters are stepping up to help Mom and Dad more with their health care and other needs while I am not as readily available to do so while I need to take care of some of my own health issues.  Karen is so willing to help me through the surgery and allow me to stay with her while I recuperate until I am ready to go home and restart farm & family life again.  I am so blessed and grateful for my family.  I wanted to serve in the Temple as a way of expressing that gratitude.

As I came out of the changing room a Temple worker commented that I looked so peaceful.  I was surprised that she would notice or comment on that.  I never thought that those inner feelings showed through me.  I guess the light of Christ really does shine through those that believe in Him.  I briefly explained why I was there. She gave me a big hug and said she was sure I would be healed.  I asked how I could be best serve. I did an endowment session, an initiatory session of 5 names, then another endowment session.  I was able to help 7 people on the other side of the vail that day.  It was a wonderful day.

Sunday after church, Brother Mitchell came up to me before I even had a chance to go to him and asked me if I could like a blessing before going to Wichita for surgery.  He said he would get Brother Peptis to help also.  I told him I was planning to ask him for a blessing and would really like that.  Through the priesthood which they hold, I received a beautiful blessing of healing.

Today I am calm.  I am at peace.  I am filled with gratitude.  I know God has a plan for me.  I trust in His plan.  As I have surgery on Holy Thursday I know I will be blessed.  Jesus Christ suffered all things as He made an atoning sacrifice for our sins and afflictions.  He suffered, died and rose again.  He lives.  I am grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost, the comforter. 

Rose