I was in Wichita the first of the month for a 6 month checkup with the cardiologist after extremely high blood pressure last June. All is well and I do not need to return for a year unless something else comes up.
My other issue is that my feet are becoming misshapen and rocker bottom. My doctor finally sent me to an orthopedic that specializes in feet disorders. I have Charcot foot. It is tiny broken bones in the feet that go unnoticed because of diabetic neuropathy. I do not have bad neuropathy but because of the fibromyalgia pain in legs and feet just thought that was what was happening. I was wearing walking boots on both feet at the same time for 7 weeks. He also wanted me non-weight bearing but that was not possible for me at this time. The untreated healed tiny broken bones have caused collapse of the feet and the rocker bottom and side bulging deformed shape. I had to get special insoles shaped to my feet and diabetic shoes when I got out of the walking boots. I am still trying to get them adjusted but can walk better in shoes than barefoot. The misshapen caused severe pain to walk. My balance is really messed up and there is concern for fall risk. Everything else is going well.
Dad always told us that getting old is "the shits". At 65 now I am beginning to believe him!
Mom is struggling more with memory. When Mary comes out she usually does not know who "that woman" is that is that came to see her and brought her things. When are the boys coming home from school? She has been packing boxes and bags with such odds and ends that makes no sense to be ready to" go home" when someone will take her which in her mind is Angeles where she grew up . Today she knew my name was Rose but she did not know I was her daughter Rose. Today she asked me if both of my parents were dead. Most days she wants to know if I am coming home at night or am I "staying out all night with my friends again" when I come home to my own house. Her bloodwork looks really good and her kidney functions are reduced but stable. She is very short of breath and fatigued which well not improve because it is congestive heart failure that can not be treated surgically. She does not want me around all the time but I spend most of the day with her then leave her alone late afternoon and night. At this time she is able to do that but the day will come that I'll need to stay with her more even if she doesn't think so. When I go home she will call me several times with the same question over and over. At least I know she is ok when she calls me.
My mental health from caregiving is ok. I am exhausted mentally and physically and have little focus for my own housework and activities when I get home from Mom's. When any of the other girls come out I try to stay home so I get a couple hour break and they get their own time with Mom for their own personal relationship without me always being involved. When there is more than one person at a time, Mom gets overwhelmed and upset in general. I am surviving at this time and am grateful to be able to spend time every day with her. The day will come when I will not have that blessing and then I can focus on other things. Now Mom is my priority and privilege and daily blessing. I miss Dad but am grateful for the 15 years I lived on the farm and was able to see him every day also.
I take time each day to study the scriptures and stay close to the Lord. He helps lift my burdens by taking them upon himself if I will turn to Him and let go to trust in Him.
