Happy New Year 2024
2023 has been filled with challenges and blessings.
Of course I miss Dad as the one year anniversary came around. Finally in August I had some time to myself and able to begin grieving his death. As well as grieving Dad's death, I am also grieving another stage of loss of Mom. After Dad passed away Mom's dementia became worse and it was harder without Mom & Dad looking after each other. I began spending days with Mom then nights also - mostly 24/7. I didn't feel I was getting enough personal time or breaks and was beginning to be so stressed I was having anxiety and panic attacks. In June Mom's doctor felt it was the time to change to living in a memory care facility. Prairie Senior Living Complex is the place for that. 10 days later I got a call that there was a bed available for Mom to move in. June 23 my heart broke as we moved Mom into long term care. I have been with Mom & Dad most every day for the past 16 years and now Mom is no longer on the farm. It took time for both of us to adjust. Actually Mom has settled in well and now has a private room. She is very social and more helpful that needed there. She is involved in activities when we are there or the aides come get her and take her along. My adjustment has been a little slower at coming along. I really miss not being with Mom every day. I go to Colby 3 days a week to spend the afternoon with Mom. At times it is hard to leave her because she is struggling with me going. My heart hurts.
When I visit Mom I try to always be in the moment. She will jabber on and on while nothing fits together or makes any sense. I tell myself to just listen to her voice and watch the expressions in her eyes. Overall she is happy to see me. We have cut out 2 quilts and she 'helped' me sew on them. I have a little more time for the things I feel I need for myself.
Gingham quilt top
Derrick decided to remodel Mom's house this winter and wants me to move down to the underground house. I had not ever really thought about that but do believe it will be good. The house is zero entry with 36" doors throughout with 3 bedrooms instead of one. The quilt room is there and I would not have to move the quilt machine and I will have a 2 car garage. Derrick wants to put a couple hired truck drivers in my house as he is renting a house in Selden for them now. I have been cleaning, sorting, and organizing for Mom ever since I started spending days then all the time with her at her house. With this remodel I had to get the house packed up and moved out for that to happen, My sisters have basically told me that they are busy in their lives because they work and that they do not have time to help me pack up Mom's house, After all I don't work and it will be for me in the end and they are not going to help me move-that is my problem not theirs. Karen helped me the most coming home for 5 days at a time every few weeks and Allen came home for a week and sorted and cleaned in Dad's machine shed and garages. Everything is sorted, packed and moved to storage. Dan Wachendorfer Construction began on the house a couple weeks ago. Things seem to be moving fast. Moving makes sense but I have lived in the little house on the farm longer than any other home I've lived in as an adult. It is about the same amount of time as living in our childhood home in Hill City. This will also be another grieving time.
A year ago I was in 2 walking boots at the same time trying to heal broken bones in my feet. I was diagnosed with Charcot Foot. I then was fitted for custom insoles and diabetic shoes. I struggled through June to get it all right and it never was. I was so fed up with Hanger in Hays and have just had to deal with the painful feet. It is hard to walk very far and balance is not good.
The end of May I fell on the driveway slipping on the mud. I bruised my knee, jammed my wrist and shoulder. My side and back hurt when I would bend or stoop over and pull weeds. I wore a wrist brace for several months. In August I had a flat tire outside of Selden and tried to change it myself. Something happened and I had sharp pains in my side. I called Layne to come hep me. I ended going to the ER in the middle of the night to find out that I had broken a rib that was in the process of healing, What?? I must have broken it when I fell on the driveway. Early December I fell off the 4 wheeler on the driveway and landed on my left knee again. It took a while before I could get up. It is finally not bruised but still it tender and swells some.
I had a goal for 2023 to quilt one quilt per month for me and one for Mom. I did quilt a few for us and one for Judy. I also made a quilt for Altar Society for their 2023 Mardi Gras raffle and also make another for their 2024 raffle. I made a t-shirt quilt for Roni and a baby quilt for Amy. After Mom moved to Prairie Senior I started cleaning in the house and quit our monthly quilting projects.
Altar Society 2023 quilt raffle
Altar Society 2024 quilt raffle
Amy's bug baby quilt
Roni's t-shirt quilt for Jenny
In the past 3 years I have put about 8,000 miles on my car for Mom & Dad's health care, business, etc. as Dad did not have the energy to find out what was happening with their van and I was uncomfortable taking in on road trips. It has not been driven much in the past 2 years. I have the van running with new battery and new tires and a disconnected fuse that was draining the battery. I have had to clean, clean, clean. Dirt and mouse poop filled the van since sitting and having windows open. I still need to shampoo and armor all the van but it is a lot better. The transmission is shifting rough so I need to check that out but I am planning to drive it for local trips (within 30 miles or so) and keep my car for longer road trips.
2024 Goals:
- Daily Scripture Study & Prayer
- Attend the Temple quarterly
- Visit Mom 3 days per week
- Deep clean kitchen in underground house since it is not being replaced
- Begin sorting & packing in my house in preparation of move
- Move and settle in underground house
- Set up my house as furnished rental
- Clean Quilt Room
- Unpack storage unit
- Make quilt labels for Roni
- More personal time to adjust to life changes
