One month ago today my mother passed away - April 22, 2025. She has been battling for nearly 8 years with breast cancer, congestive heart failure, kidney disease, vulver cancer, and dementia.
June 23, 2023 Mom moved into Prairie Senior Living Complex just one year after Dad passed away. I tried to keep Mom at home as long as possible. I ended up staying with her 24/7 for the most part for that year. I felt guilty that I could not keep her at home. Dad did so much more than I ever dreamed to keep Mom safe at home.
Prairie Senior Living Complex was a blessing for all of us. The staff was so kind, caring, and compassionate. It was not just to her but to all residents. Mom enjoyed their activities until her body got too weak and her memory got so much worse.
I wanted to write today as a way of dealing with her death but I am not ready to tear open my heart right now. But I do want to say that both Mom & I are starting new chapters in our lives. Mom is flying with the angels while I need to learn how to fly on my own.
Life flipped upside down for me 19 years ago when I had to quit full time work. It flipped again when Dad & Mom asked me to move to the farm so I could live a simpler and quieter lifestyle so I could heal and I could be with them as they needed more help as they aged. One year later Mom had colon cancer.
I have been on the farm with Mom and Dad for 18 years. These years have been the biggest blessing in my life. Right now I am not ready to dig deeper into this. I have helped them with their business, finance, legal, tax, insurance, & medical. I am still in that "taking care of business mode". One day all that business will be done. Then who is Rose? Not Rose from Colby Clinic or Rose from Service Oil or Rose the caregiver to my parents. I will need to figure out who this Rose is that is all alone. What do I want to do and who do I want to be are questions I need to process.
After four weeks of company, I am finally alone this week. I do not go to Colby to see Mom 3-4 days each week. I have more time at home. Karen & I worked in the quilt room and in the storage building while she was here. I have slept late this week and done trust paperwork and insurance paperwork. All thank you notes are sent and I have just a few late donations to deposit.
I have called a place in Colby to try to begin counseling but either nobody is there when I stop by and I get a busy signal or answering machine on the phone. They have not returned my call. I had gone earlier after Dad's death to a counselor at the clinic but we were not a good fit. I hope to find a counselor that is a good fit to help me with the grieving process and personal discovery. Right now I am doing ok.
I Love You, Momma. Fly with the angels!
Rose
