It has now been 7 months since the death of my Dad. Yesterday was another 'first'. I walked out the front door to go to Mom's and could smell wood smoke. I burst into tears.
When I was in high school Dad built a wood burning stove in the basement. I loved winter nights when I would come home from a date or other event, the stove was burning and the smell of the wood smoke from the stove smelled so good to me. It was the 'Welcome Home' smell-home is my safe place smell.
When Dad & Mom built their underground house on the farm in the late 70's, their only heat was an Ashley wood burning stove. In the fall Mom would have a "dragon party". All the kids and grandkids came to the farm and would drag wood to Dad who cut it on the buzz saw. Mom made chili and cinnamon rolls. It was again the safe, welcome home smell I loved.
Almost 16 years ago I moved to the farm. I have a wood stove in my basement and would burn wood a lot and only use the furnace at night as the house cooled off. Every day in the winter as I would walk out of my house I could smell that smoke from Dad's stove. That smell of home!
The past few years as Dad had more trouble cutting wood, I would not use any that the kids or grandkids cut for him. I would only use wood I helped him gather and cut. Last fall Dad and my brothers put a furnace in their living room so they would have heat even if they didn't cut wood.
The last I smelled that home smoke smell was in early April before Dad got sick. He would burn it in the morning to take the chill off the house. As he became weaker he liked the house warmer also. This fall was so different as I would head down the hill to Mom's and not smell that constant smell of wood smoke.
Yesterday Derrick was burning his fireplace and the smell of wood smoke really hit me when I walked out of the door to go to Mom's house. Oh, how I have missed that smell. Only now it was not that safe feel of home because Dad is not here burning that wood. It was a tough time for a while as the memories flooded in on me. Oh, Daddy, I miss you.
Today as I spent time with Mom, she said it seemed she was so short of breath. Just to visit seemed to wear her out. She seems weaker and didn't even really talk much. She napped off and on in her chair. Her eyes are rimmed in red almost like bruises and look sunken just like Grandma Schwarz's eyes were before she passed away. Is this a sign that her time is getting shorter-leaving this mortal existence coming sooner rather than later? She even talked about maybe she should see her doctor, Amanda. Mom has an appointment for blood work the week before Christmas and a doctor appointment the week after Christmas. It is just 2 weeks away but do I need to take her in sooner? My heart breaks for her. To be honest maybe it is breaking for myself also.
Every day Mom askes me if her momma has died. What about her daddy? My dad? She asks about all of her brothers and sisters. Of the 10 children there is only Mom, Sister Rita, and Phyllis still living. Dad's family of 10 children, there is only Rita, Bud (Melvin), and Sister Carolyn living.
My Dear Loving Heavenly Father,
I pray with gratitude for all the many blessings you have given to me and to my family. I am grateful for each and every day I have had with my parents and being able to serve, love and honor them. I pray for my mother as she has trouble remembering and suffers from multiple terminal illnesses at the same time. I pray for the peace and comfort of the Savior that comes through the gift of the Holy Ghost. I am grateful for the Savior making an atoning sacrifice, taking upon himself all sins and trials and tribulations of mankind - for me. He suffered and died for me. He overcame death for me. I pray for forgiveness of my sins. Thank you for your love.
I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Rose
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